her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
