i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
