I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Randomize