Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
