imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
