Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
