I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
