a queef is a wish your heart makes.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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