please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
