i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize