you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize