Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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