a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
