the condom got lost in my hair
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
