I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize