I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize