Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
