I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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