you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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