I wish my penis had an off switch
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
