Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
