remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
