guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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