idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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