I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
lets start a swedish sibling band together
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
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