Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
