He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
