The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
