at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I got her a Nickelback box set.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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