don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
