we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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