Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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