Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
