Pappa wants mamma naked
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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