singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
