Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
