You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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