How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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