I hate all girls vehemently.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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