tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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