Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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