Banned from zoo.
Again?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
