Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
