The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
