My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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