Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
