Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
