I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
whose ass print is on the piano?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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