three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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