So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize