How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
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