I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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