dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just blew my weed a kiss
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
