I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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