sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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