Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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