you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
