3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
