Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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