I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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