i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
