I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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