I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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