I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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