Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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