it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize