So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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