just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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