I am full of burrito and curiosity
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
